After Christmas...

I must tell you this is very very boring... no kids around... no presents...
dang... I feel like scrooge himself...

this Christmas was lame... I didnt go to church to see the play... first time in like 7 years that I miss a play... but I'm not really going to church...

bitterness... heck... i guess so... and I guess Im being used... by the evil one... and Im not doing anything to stop it.. I could... but I dont know what stops me... laziness could be one good reason... I keep on telling other ppl that I know what needs to be done... and tis not like I feel like a worm... bfore the Lord... I just dont want to... tis like some duty u know you need to do... but dont feel like it.. never had i felt this before, this laziness when the Lord was involved... like I know Im lazy in many different areas in my life... but... maybe.. I dont know... maybe I'm not saved...u know I've been wondering that for a long time... prayer... havent done that in like 5-6 months... like real prayer...

and I miss the old Wen... the one who attended church... the one who didnt miss youth group, the one who was a judge to every brother or sister who missed sunday school or youth group.. dang I never thought it would happen to me... so be away from church... and from God... Im so scared... I dont know what to do... like yes pray... prayer... to pray...to talk to the Lord.. Creator of heaven and earth... to spend time with him.. to listen to what he has to say... to read His Word... to talk to my Heavenly Father...

I need to find myself... I need .. first of all... to have the desire to be found...

love ya