Why do I have the feeling that I'm just settling for a lot less than I deserve.. is this yearning for havin a mate so strong that I would take anything that looks a little like love and caring...?!?!
I've always been a great fan of reading... specially lori wick books... they have something in them that i find appealing... but somehow they leave an empty space... that i long to fill with loving care and the tender touch of a husband... i am not talking about sex... i am talkin about the deep respect and care and the love you feel for that special someone you decided to commit to for the rest of your life and are completely willing to wake up every morning with that person... and knowing that the two of you were meant to be together and that the Lord has put you together for He knew you are to be an important part of the lives of the ones close to you.. family, friends, coworkers, people at the supermarket... to be ...to feel so complete and at peace knowing that what you did is the result of prayer and faith alone... that no man's doing is to be held responsible ... and from now on... only you and the one you chose to be with(the one God had for you) are the reponsibles for bringing up a whole new generation of people that truly and completely love God... with all their might...
gosh... how many times have i wanted to be one of the characters in those novels... i could name them and tell you the whole story.... but i am here.. just babbling about the love i need...the love i yearn... i feel like a pathetic and desperate old woman .. cravin some love...
i dont want to settle for less that i am worthy... i mean... i was bought by the blood of Christ... I am a princess... so shouldn't I just wait for my prince charming... but then.. i look around... and see nobody worthy of my love(not meant to sound cocky just that i see nobody that fits in the role...)... i see so many people that dont know a single thing about love... tenderness and how to cherish a woman... gosh... i am so random that i dont even know what I'm writing...
one thing I know for sure... I love LOVE... i want to be IN love... I want a husband... someone to tell me i look beautiful in the morning when I certainly dont... someone that will watch me sleep and then tell me i look precious.... someone who can hug me and tell me I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.... but then I look at myself .. and i see some rag.... some sweet girl wannabe... and that can absolutely bring me down... books are a hiding place.... when i dont have a place to go...and find a reality that I wish was mine... but oh well...
*sigh*
i had those thoughts and i had to get them out...
it very much feels like I've settled for less
